Stumbling

Sometimes the hardest thing for me to do is step out of the way. I get in the way. A lot.

With myself. In the kitchen when there’s more than one of us in there. In Target – I’m always in someones way or going the wrong way down the isles. With my kids.

That’s the hard one. I get in the way of my kids, and forget to step aside.

And I don’t think it’s just because we’re living on top of each other, toys, books and pots and pans.

But because sometimes what they need is to just be. With each other, or by themselves. How else can they learn? The friendship that comes with being siblings. The peace that comes with quiet play time. Getting lost in your imagination without being steered of track by someone else’s imagination…

With myself, I think too much. If I could just get out of my own head sometimes, stop stumbling into myself, I’d be able to let go and feel compelled more often, instead of over analyzing and getting in my own way of simply being. I also stumble over my husband now and then. The man will never say I’m in his way. But sometimes, I know he’d like a quiet moment in his own home. To just be.

We’re all learning how to just be in this little home of ours. I think it’s so important, and want to give the kids the ability that I’ve seen so many not have. The confidence and comfort to be yourself, whenever, and not worry about stumbling over yourself. To listen, and hear. To be. And then maybe to realize that we’re really not in each others way after all. That we’re part of each others being. Maybe that’s what family really is, stumbling into those we’re tied to so closely. With those ties, as much as we try to step out of each others way, we’ll always stumble now and then. A constant reminder. And a constant struggle, to find the balance between being in the sense of yourself, and coexisting with those who were written into your story.

See, I’m constantly stumbling around. Sometimes into a few things that make me appreciate the gifts we’ve received, like family and our health. Sometimes into something that actually makes sense.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Stumbling

  1. I, too, am an over-analyzer and over-thinker…especially when it comes to faith! It’s hard to “still” my thoughts in order to appreciate the beauty right in front of my nose!

  2. I don’t think I’ve ever taken a moment to really think about this, but I can relate so much…

    Steph

  3. I had the hardest time with this, when I started working with preschoolers. As a brand new teacher, I felt like to be a GOOD teacher that I had to be right in the thick of things with the children, engaging them, guiding them, pouncing on those teachable moments. It took a while, but I eventually learned that sometimes the best thing for them was for me to step back, and let their play develop without my influence. It was amazing what would occur, what they’d discover themselves, and sometimes, what they would teach me.

    I’m trying to remember that now, with Sean. That while there are times he does need me to step in, and offer help or guidance, there are just as many times when he needs me to step back so he can discover on his own. And again, I’m finding that hard to remember.

    I think there’s going to be a good amount of stumbling around as I learn (and re-learn, and re-learn) how to be this little boys’ mommy, and we learn together how we’ll all fit together as a family. And just when we get it all figured out, we’ll hit a new stage, and have to figure it out all over again.

    Wow… I babbled on. Sorry to hyjack your blog! =)

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