I’m having a rough day. Really rough. Didn’t sleep well last night, we made the decision to stay where we are another year (and that along has me feeling a roller coaster of emotions… happy to not be moving, but definitely a tad bit depressed to be staying someplace without a yard and with barely enough space for us), the kids are at each others throats and it’s not even nine, Fynn got up too early and didn’t make it to the potty in time… it’s just been a messy morning all around. Messy with emotions running ramped, messy with pee, messy with juice spills.
I’ve been reading a lot of Anne Lamott recently, because her honesty really attracts me – and she seems grounded in her faith even with confusion and chaos all around. To this confused woman surrounded with chaos, that’s a huge source of inspiration.
Anyway, in her essay Red Cords, Lamott says ” I don’t know why we have to become so vulnerable before we can connect with God, and even sometimes with ourselves.”
Isn’t that the truth.
Today I’m going to take the kids out for some fresh air (it’s in the 60’s after all!! In November!!!), say a few more prayers than normal, remind my husband to bring home a bottle of wine (cheap, since the next year or so is all about seeing how frugal we can be and if we can scrape together a down payment for someplace our own……..) and probably get a little weepy reading more of Lamott’s essays tonight. And sometimes that’s necessary. It’s not self pity, I’m thankful for all that we have – we are lucky in so many ways, but it’s becoming vulnerable.
In the meantime, here’s some total sweetness from yesterday. We had another great outside day… just gorgeous.