Vulnerability and Sweetness

I’m having a rough day. Really rough. Didn’t sleep well last night, we made the decision to stay where we are another year (and that along has me feeling a roller coaster of emotions… happy to not be moving, but definitely a tad bit depressed to be staying someplace without a yard and with barely enough space for us), the kids are at each others throats and it’s not even nine, Fynn got up too early and didn’t make it to the potty in time… it’s just been a messy morning all around. Messy with emotions running ramped, messy with pee, messy with juice spills.

I’ve been reading a lot of Anne Lamott recently, because her honesty really attracts me – and she seems grounded in her faith even with confusion and chaos all around. To this confused woman surrounded with chaos, that’s a huge source of inspiration.

Anyway, in her essay Red Cords, Lamott says ” I don’t know why we have to become so vulnerable before we can connect with God, and even sometimes with ourselves.”

Isn’t that the truth.

Today I’m going to take the kids out for some fresh air (it’s in the 60’s after all!! In November!!!), say a few more prayers than normal, remind my husband to bring home a bottle of wine (cheap, since the next year or so is all about seeing how frugal we can be and if we can scrape together a down payment for someplace our own……..) and probably get a little weepy reading more of Lamott’s essays tonight. And sometimes that’s necessary. It’s not self pity, I’m thankful for all that we have – we are lucky in so many ways, but it’s becoming vulnerable.

In the meantime, here’s some total sweetness from yesterday. We had another great outside day… just gorgeous.

Nov 8, 2009 026

Nov 8, 2009 031

Nov 8, 2009 043

Nov 8, 2009 143

Nov 8, 2009 146


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5 responses to “Vulnerability and Sweetness

  1. I am with you, although I usually curl up with a Dee Henderson book when I feel a need to reconnect with God. Enjoy your day.

  2. Great pictures!
    I hear you on the space. Funny enough, that’s something we’re going through too right now. We’ve not been able to (afford to) move before, and now maybe it might be happening. Not sure yet. But a tiny house and toddlers equals disaster and mommy insanity. Hang in there. I remind myself to be happy that we have what we have, because not everyone is so lucky to have a warm place to live. I have to remind myself that everyday or I will go nuts. =)

  3. That last picture is precious. I cannot tell you how many times my husband has walked through the front door with a bottle of wine — because I’ve threatened to lock him out if he came home empty-handed. You are a sweet and beautiful woman and I love your blog.

  4. Was Paige sleeping in that last photo? I love that, when Sean drifts off to sleep in the mei tai.

    I hear you, on the housing thing. I have to remind myself to be grateful that we have a home, a roof over our heads. But there are days when I just want to cry about living in an apartment over a garage, and I start to feel all “woe-is-me”. We’d like to be saving for a house, but we’re being as frugal as we can be already, and our savings just aren’t growing much. And so the dream of the house and yard is on hold. Still.

    I’ve never read anything by Anne Lamott, so I just googled her. I’m intrigued, and am going to see if my library has any of her work. Any recommendations?

  5. Rough days are even rougher when combined with no sleep!I hope you caught up. I love that picture of Fynn and Paige together; that one screams Christmas card.

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