I wasn’t going to complain…

I can’t stand it when I complain. It always fills me with regret after the fact, and then I wonder how I sound to every one else, and I don’t want to seem self-centered…

And I’ve done a lot of complaining this year. A three month migraine {which thanks to acupuncture and some coping mechanisms is now held at bay most of the time, yay!} will do that to you.

So this morning, as I clutched my side I looked at my  husband and said “something is always wrong with me!” It feels that way at times. Like my body is not my friend. Probably paybacks for all the times I didn’t exercise, that I filled it with wine instead of vegetables…

Thankfully it’s nothing major, just discomfort from an ovarian cyst. I know plenty who are worse off right now {which is why I hesitate to complain} But it sucks. Really. I’m sitting here with a heating pack, a box of dark chocolate stars from Trader Joe’s, in bed, with my laptop. I cannot concentrate. I want to read others words and comment and be thoughtful, but I can’t. It’s like I’ve never known pain. Which is a total lie. I’ve gone through childbirth – twice – with no epidural. I’ve gone through three months of a migraine that didn’t let up. I should be used to this.

But we never are. We are not made to handle pain. I curl up like a ball, hoping my kids don’t take the opportunity to try to jump all over their mommy. I bury my head and hope it goes away magically. I pray for God to give me a whole month where I feel okay. I beg for cuddles {literal and figurative} because that’s what heals me. And I might complain. And ask for my Mommy. Just a little….

Tomorrow I’ll look on the bright side. Tonight, in the darkness where pain and suffering is always worse {even if it’s just in our own minds} I’m going to throw myself a little pity party.

Here’s to chocolate covered shortbread cookies, rice packs and soft flannel sheets. To friends and family who step up to the plate. And to good morning hugs and kisses that make the day seem possible. In so many ways.


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19 responses to “I wasn’t going to complain…

  1. I’ve got a similar outlook. On the one hand, it’s all about perspective. It’s naive and offensive to think that it’s the end of the world when you’ve got a tummy-ache. At the same time, though, stuff hurts, and it would be inappropriate to ignore that, too.

    I’m all about appropriate expression of feelings without whining about it.

  2. O hunny, complain if you need to because it’s how you feel at the moment. There is nothing wrong with being real and acknowledging you’re not trying to be a downer, just honest.

    Now get ye to bed and cuddle your hubby. That pretty much cures everything.

  3. Booling

    From a chief complainer, you NEVER complain! If I had had that headache I would have never shut my mouth about it.
    It is good to let us (your loyal readers) know you are human and that you too give in to the pity party occasionally. I am so sorry it hurts though, I suggest vicodin, it is how I made it through this year 🙂

  4. Casey's Mommy ♥

    Sorry you’re not feeling good.. feel better soon!

  5. Ow…I had one of those once — that hurts like crazy. 😦 I wouldn’t blame you at all for complaining.
    I understand what you mean, not feeling as though you should complain, because so many people are experiencing much worse. But at the same time, what pain you are going through is real, and difficult.
    Rest up, take care of you. And enjoy that chocolate!

  6. Complain away! It just might help, you never know. Hope you are feeling better soon.

  7. We cannot always write about lovely and happy things because life isn’t always lovely and happy. It’s OK to let it all out on your blog. It’s your blog. And we’ll love you no matter what. Because that’s what friends do. Feel better, and I will pray for healing!

  8. I think you have every right to complain (ovarian cysts are painful!!), but I know what you mean. I feel like there is always something wrong with me too. Headaches, other pains, it never ends. I’m a big time complainer, and it drives my husband nuts, and I always feel so whiny after the fact. Sometimes you need to speak up though! I’m speaking from recent experience on that one! 🙂 Take it easy, and I hope you’re feeling better soon!

  9. Can’t you get anything for that? Or are they just telling you to wait until it bursts? Those things hurt!

    You need more chocolate AND a Valium salt lick. xoxo

  10. I hope the light of the day has brought you some relief. And, as previous posters have noted, feel free to complain away. It doesn’t make you a bad person to throw yourself a pity party every once in awhile; it just makes you a person.

  11. Ovarian cysts are not minor pain. When I get one, I can’t stand to be on the computer at all. Cut yourself some slack. The pain will heal, and then you can be back to normal. In the meantime, let yourself rest and relax.

  12. Forgive yourself for hurting and not liking it. I often do the same thing you seem to be doing here, beating myself up for not being stronger and for complaining (even going so far as to cite the same things you do: I pushed out two babies without drugs, why the HELL can’t I handle this?).
    But come on.
    We are human.
    And hurting hurts.

  13. Blythe

    Feel better soon!

  14. I also feel like I’m always complaining about something. I annoy myself with my complaints so I can’t imagine how my husband feels. I think being tired exacerbates any sort of pain which is what I blame it all on these days. Being tired. But we’ve earned the right to feel pain, to complain every once in a while and expect a hug/cuddle/kiss to make us feel better.

    I hope you do feel better soon.

  15. How did I miss this? I’m sorry. 😦 And I love your honesty. There need not be a ranking of pain or suffering. Whatever it is, it’s real and there’s no need to apologize for your pain being less then (or more than) someone else’s.

    I hope you’re feeling better, my friend. Take care of yourself, and my ears (or eyes, for reading) are always open. xoxoxo

  16. I am so sorry to hear that! Those chocolate stars are fabulous, and I really hope you feel better soon. Complain away– that’s (partially, I think) what the blogosphere is here for.

  17. Have you looked into Candida as a possible source for your headaches? It’s a common culprit, but sadly most MD’s don’t acknowledge it at all.

    We are always told to eat your vegetables, or that sugar is bad for you, but rarely are we ever really taught why that is. Or the inner workings of our body… specially our gut, and how that affects every single part of our bodies and health.

    Just taking my personal experience, I’d say it might be worth you looking into. I’m pretty much the yeast beast queen since my whole family is dealing with it, so if you ever have questions just let me know.


  18. Oh I’m so sorry I missed this earlier. I hope it’s gone soon and I hate complaining too so I know just how you feel BUT having said that? You are totally valid in “complaining” and should eat the entire box of dark chocolate stars. They are soooo good.

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