Tag Archives: Paige

Today, I understood

There are days when I look at my kids and I’m awestruck. By their hearts, their beauty, their being. The hugeness of it all.

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And I wonder how it’s possible that they are their own beings, and yet so much like me. Like Lucas. Like each other.

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It boggles my mind that I had a hand in creating them. I can’t put into words what I feel… I’m amazed that they can think for themselves, that they have intuitions, that they function. Does that make any sense? They were just babies not that long ago, but now… now they have opinions and likes and dislikes. They’re growing into themselves.

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And we get to watch all of it. The stumbles and falls. The hopes and dreams. We get to see, and sometimes fear, that we live in them.

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Today I stood back and watched my children explore a new place. I watched them learn new tricks. They jumped, and sometimes fell.

Today, I understood.

“Having children is like letting your heart walk around outside of your body.” ~Author unknown

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February, Dar, and girly crafts

This February brings with it so many different emotions, I can’t even begin to describe the way I’m feeling right now.

February often does that to me. Emotions coming down like sleet, hitting hard at first, then softening once they hit your skin and you embrace them with warmth.

It’s just… so… February.

Do you know Dar Williams? I love Dar. When Lucas and I were first dating {actually… almost exactly six years ago…} one of the {many} reasons I fell in love with him was the fact that he had one of Dar’s albums. You see, Dar and I are on a first name basis… I saw her in concert once in Portland when I was in high school. She played at a church… if I remember correctly…. and I have loved her ever since. Which puts us on a first name basis.

In any case, today I had her song February stuck in my head. Playing over and over.

And February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking a path alone together.
You stopped and pointed and you said, “That’s a crocus,”
And I said, “What’s a crocus?” and you said, “It’s a flower,”
I tried to remember, but I said, “What’s a flower?”
You said, “I still love you.”
~Dar Williams, February

Love it. That part of the song makes me smile every time I hear it.

You know what else makes me smile? Little girls who get practically giddy while making a Valentine for a certain Daddy! We had our weekly playdate with the kids grandparents today, and their Grandma Lou brought out all sorts of things to make Valentine’s with. Fynn lasted about five minutes… but Paige? She LOVED it! She could take or leave paint, but give the girl glitter stickers and some doilies and she’s ready to rock and roll. I can see craft boxes filled with glitter and sequins in our future…

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Maybe February isn’t all that bad after all…

{and yes… that’s blue marker on Paige’s face… Grandma Lou – I’m sorry, but it was too cute to edit out! It’s faded a bit… hopefully it’ll come off by the time she’s twelve! :)}

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Cocoa shenanigans

I found him like this…

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…then put the cocoa on the counter and ran to the bathroom for a moment.

I came back and found this…

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…yes, two children taking turns licking hot cocoa mix {and marshmallows} off of the floor.

Notice the pizza thrown aside by Paige to partake in the fun, and the freshly bathed kids…

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And yes, I keep my camera in the kitchen for just such an occasion.

When I’m laughing too hard to scold for a few minutes…

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Couldn’t resist

I could not resist taking these pictures…

Our little teething lady

Into everything {hence the price tag… no… she’s not up for sale at the low price of $1.49, nor did I purchase her at Trader Joe’s}

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And those eyes {her father’s} absolutely make my heart stop

Though the bags underneath we could live without… they {hers and ours} come with the bulging gum territory

One day, she will have all of her teeth. And we will throw a party. With cupcakes. Lots of cupcakes {can you tell what’s really on my mind today? I’m thinking of you cupcake ladies!}

and possibly some wine

But for now, I’ll take her whine, kiss her cheeks, and tickle under her chin until her whines turn to giggles

and her hazel eyes glimmer with laughter

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A friendly reminder

Whether on a finger or a brush

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Even though it’s non toxic

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Do not ever eat finger paint

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** Fynn did not consume finger paint, only felt deep sympathy for his sister who put at least a tablespoon of green and purple paint in her mouth. Twice.

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It would hurt not to blog this

This afternoon seemed never ending. And not in a good way. We made it home, woke up the kids from their car naps, and all you know what broke loose.

So by 5pm we were counting down until bedtime. We told the kids to run around – like usual – to get out all their energy. They did. And then Fynn ran into the edge of an end table with his forehead, which resulted in a purple bandaide smack dab in between his eyes and lots of tears.

He kept pointing to the end table saying it was “very sad.” And it made him “very sad.” And we were all “very sad.”
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Paige was also “very sad” and very curious.
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She was sympathetic, and showed us on herself with the lense cap where Fynn got hurt.
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But our brave little boy decided that what would make him feel better was if we took pictures of everyone. So he instructed first to take a picture of Mommy & Paige {Mom and Paige, rather, but I refuse to acknowledge that he’s now calling me Mom instead of Mommy half the time…}
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Then one of Fynn and Daddy
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but after that one, I told him we had to take another one where Daddy didn’t look like such a dork {I swear I’m a nice wife, we were all just so punchy tonight…} Then Lucas started saying something about someone sleeping on the couch tonight in between his hysterical laughter
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Through this Paige started feeling left out and desperately wanted to read a certain book. A book that no one else particularly enjoys.
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Finally, we gave in.
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She pointed to the first picture, and made a thoughtful “mmm” noise {which is how she asks what something is}. It was a little boy. With a bad haircut. So I told her “that’s a little boy with an awful haircut.” {again, I’m really a nice person, just punchy…}

Do you know what she did????

She then pointed to her brother!!! Which led to Lucas and myself laughing for about ten minutes with tears streaming down our faces, choking for breath. Because, honestly? Fynn’s haircut right now is the worst one he’s ever had. And we cut it three times in a matter of two days to try and make it better. It did not work.

Oh the honesty that comes from babes!

After we composed ourselves it was time to read Happy Birthday Moon, which is a lovely book. But Lucas read one of the lines, and I commented on the gusto with which it was read, and it was all over. The kids had no idea why daddy had such a hard time finishing the book, or why mommy needed a tissue to dab her eyes with for an hour, literally…

It was a trying afternoon, which thankfully ended in laughter instead of a trip to the ER since the fleshwound wasn’t too deep… we’re so happy that he caught himself on his forehead rather than, say, an eye ball. And we love our kids, so very much.

But seriously, I have not laughed so hard in such a long time. My cheeks still hurt. Right now even the thought of the little boy with the big purple bandaide, and bad hair cut,  is cracking me up. I’m not a horrible mother, or wife, just a punchy mama in need of a hot bath and big cup of chai.

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Wearing Paige

I completely forgot.

I forgot how wearing a baby, or toddler, can calm a situation. It had slipped my mind for the past month or so how much I could get done at home if I was wearing one of my little ones.

Maybe it was because my beloved Ergo was stashed in the car, and every time I wanted to use it inside… it was ten degrees outside… and my mei tai was in my closet somewhere hidden behind boxes of Christmas decorations and gifts.

This morning, I remembered.

With a clear shot to the beautiful handmade {by my mother} carrier that I caught a glimpse of over the weekend as I stored decorations, I dawned the fabric, and wore Paige. Within minutes, I remembered.

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And I got a lot done. With little fuss, and lots of snuggles.

And even though her stash no longer includes a pacifier, she carried whatever was precious to her, as I carried one of my precious babes.

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With her long lashes brushing my chest, and her fingers clasped around her dolly we moved quietly and swiftly through chores today.

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Discovery

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Today we took the kids to The Discovery Museum. It’s a little bit of a hike for us, but we were all aching to get out of the house, and we didn’t want the crowds that we figured the big city museums would have today. So we headed west, where the world moves at a slightly slower pace, perfect for a rainy Sunday.

As soon as we walked in the door we were greeted by an expansive train table, which Fynn was magnetically drawn. Lucas stayed with him as Paige and I explored the three floors of fun. A water table, old fashioned diner set up, a safari room, and much more.

Paige and I don’t get to spend much time just the two of us. When we do, she holds on tighter than I expect. When it’s just Paige, she holds back a little. Often she stands and observes the world around her, waiting for the nudge. Waiting for a big brother to come and show her what’s okay to play on, what’s good for exploring. She waits to see what roads he’ll pave for her. When she needs to do the paving, she hesitates. She scrutinizes everyone within eyesight.  Reads people and places before she takes one step. Eventually she’ll dive in, but it takes her a while to test the waters, however warm and comfortable.

I get it.

More than I care to admit, I get it. I, too, wait for someone to pave the way, to make the road a little less bumpy, before I head down it myself. I watch instead of participate.

A lot.

I’m not one for New Years Resolutions. They always end up being a piece of paper crumpled and thrown aside within the first two weeks of the new year. A list of unreasonable goals and expectations. But this coming year, I vow to make changes. To be a participant. To nudge myself when necessary, and pave my own way. It’s possible, and reasonable. I want to show, especially my daughter, that she doesn’t need anyone to pave her way. That she can have faith in herself and that she can reach whatever stars she desires.

This year we will make things happen. With faith, dreams, and a joyful spirit, I will be an active participant in my life.

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Paige’s checklist

Motrin?

check

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Dolly?

check

Fresh bump on forehead?

check

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Lense cap?

check

Out of pacifiers?

check

Teething?

most definitely

p.s. Santa has decided not to fill Paige’s stocking with pacifiers… so… we’re out. And she’s done. Please pray for her parents.

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Smiles for a Saturday

She smiles, and I melt
She smiles, and I feel giddy and happy and warm inside
She smiles, and I feel love
She smiles, and I can’t help but smile with her

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