She smells like pumpkin muffins
and clam chowder
as I snuggle her in for naptime
Soft and sweet
grabbing for a hand to hold onto
and an arm to nuzzle
He giggles as he sits next to me
watching Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving
as I type on the same screen
He holds my arm
puts his head on my shoulder
and we both shake with his laughter
Taking it in slowly and sweetly
quiet time and snuggles
soft touches and belly laughs
Taking it in
Some days I really miss the quiet peacefulness that goes away when you have children. Yes, you find peace in different ways, but there is rarely a moment where it’s just me – and nothing else. No laundry calling, no dishes waiting, no toys on the floor waiting to get picked up. No children pulling on my leg, asking for one more snack.
Today has been one of those days where I really miss it. Our weekends are full, because I think they have to be. We keep busy so the whining doesn’t start, so the kids don’t start getting into each others things, so we don’t have a chance to stretch too much in our little place and realize there isn’t enough room for us. But the busy weekends make me miss the quiet moments even more.
I like being quiet. I like keeping to myself. That’s been the hardest thing, and the best thing, about having my babies. They’ve made me reach outside of my comfort zone in a lot of ways, and I am ever thankful for that. But a lot of who I am lies in my quiet moments. Maybe that’s why I rush over to the computer as soon as the hubby has bedtime under control so I can focus on my daily blogging….
I’ve had days where I’ve had to hold a sleeping child while sitting on the toilet because that’s the only chance I had to pee. That day I realized there is nothing sanitary about motherhood. At all. Seriously. What happened to days of closing the bathroom door for a little bit of privacy? Unless I lock the door during my morning shower, I have literally (and I’m sure I’m not alone) zero time during the day where I don’t have a child within arms reach. I lay down with them to nap most days, it’s what we have to do – it’s how we parent – but it wears on you. I love the choices that we’ve made, but sometimes… you just need a few minutes to yourself to freaking pee.
Finding peace in the absence of quiet has been hard for me. I’m working on it, but it’s a work in progress. I might have it figured out by the time the kids go off to college! But I crave it, and I want my children to know how to be peaceful and enjoy the quiet. For now, I’ll take my glass of wine and a good book for the few minutes I can steal before the hubby finishes up bedtime with the kids.